D3 body, D1 cock
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
