ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
