Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
