My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
