remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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