Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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