Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
