I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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