20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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