I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize