Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
