I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
