I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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