My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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