Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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