Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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