We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
