3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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