You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
