we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
