i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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