no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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