I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
