"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
