is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
