I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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