I cannot find my penis.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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