you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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