hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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