my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
