If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
