i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Buhtt sex?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
