You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
