She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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