You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
