So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
