i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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