Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
