ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
