So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
