i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
