I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
