Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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