apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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