Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
