dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
