You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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