2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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