I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
