She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Randomize
