I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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