Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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