I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
