I smell stomach acid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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