When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
