And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
