Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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