At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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