U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
