Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
