im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
