I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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