I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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