Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
