His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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