We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
