I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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