So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
