i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
