Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
