genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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