Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
