Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
