so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
