Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize