I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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