Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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