i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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