I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize