I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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