as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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