So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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