you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
