puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
