You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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