you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
