dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
