Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
