"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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