I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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